A Dream Deferred

Langston Hughes was one of the greatest writers and poets of all time…in my opinion. He once asked a profound question,”What happens to a dream deferred?”

What does happen to a dream deferred? I guess the answer to the question depends on the person.

For so long I put my dreams on hold to chase this motto or bright idea of success that so many other people have. For a while, I even chased what I thought my parents wanted for me. Everyone is always pushing the idea that you have to go to college and study really hard. Earn your degree in order to earn a job making six figures,then you have to save lots of money in order to retire and finally enjoy life. No,thank you! It took me a really long time to understand that it is okay to veer away from the path that most people travel.  Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with going to college and starting a career working with a company or whatever you choose to do with your college education. But, what is for others, is not always for you and my dream has never been to directly work for someone else for the rest of my life. However, I do value a good education. In today’s time, without a college education, or some sort of certification it is hard to stay a float. But, that doesn’t mean you should force yourself into going to college. I believe higher education is something you should want for yourself, opposed to just doing it because it is what everyone around you wants.

My dream has always been to write and to work with at risk children. Have I stuck with that dream,not necessarily. Why? Well, honestly, I got side tracked by life and for a really long time (through the first few years of my 20’s) I let what other people thought about my decisions dictate my actions. After a lot of prayer and working on improving myself, I gained some clarity. I can’t you, you can’t, we can’t, let what other people think about our lives and our decisions prohibit us from following our dreams and building our futures. Some of the Worlds greatest investors, businessman and successors took great risk. If you fail at something,so what! Try again. Try a different approach. We will never accomplish our goals and reach our dreams by being scared, hesitant and certainly not by letting a wrong approach/decision weaken us.

If you don’t take away anything else that I’ve said, remember these few things: If you visualize yourself doing something,you can do it. Dedicate yourself to your vision and create a plan. Stick to your plan and make adjustments as you see fit. Have faith in God and in yourself. Your thoughts become your actions,think positive. Even if you fail 99 times,keep trying until you succeed. Remain humble, regardless of how successful you become remember where you started. Keep in mind that success goes beyond wealth. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Above all, do not limit yourself based on what other people have done and what other people think or have said you can or can not do. Lastly,make yourself a promise to stop deferring your dreams, realistically, almost every dream we defer is never brought to light again.

So what does happen to a dream a deferred?

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Relationships

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Let me start by saying this,I’m not an expert.As a matter of fact;my last serious relationship was probably in 2012 but it lasted well over a year. Was I in love? Yes. We didn’t work out for several reasons, the main being, after so long of being together I felt like over time he got too comfortable and thought that  he could tell me anything and I would believe it.  We eventually came to terms that we didn’t need to be together or at-least I realized that. It took a long time for me to get over him emotionally. He was someone who I  spent most of my time with, someone who had seen me at my most vulnerable moments, most of all we shared a friendship and that was probably the most difficult thing to recover from. I met him when I was sixteen and it took until I was twenty for us to actually become a couple. He knew me like that back of his hand and vice versa, we were two peas in a pod. At the end of the day I loved him but I loved me more. Through my relationship with my ex-boyfriend I learned a lot about myself and relationships which is why I think I’m entitled to give my two-cent about relationships. (Lol)

Here is what I’ve learned:

It is okay to love a person and make compromises for that person but do not compromise who you are for someone else. In a relationship, you grow together and you push one another to be better people. Nonetheless, you shouldn’t feel like the other person is forcing you to be someone that you’re not and you shouldn’t be the only person making compromises. Also,donn’t try to change a person,if they want to change for you,they will. Being with a person is about loving them for who they are,not who you think they can be.

In a relationship, you will have disagreements, you may even tell white lies but when your significant other starts hiding things from you and telling  lies…that’s a problem. If you don’t share trust and I mean blind trust,there is no point of being in a relationship with them.

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. If there is nobody else in this world you feel comfortable being vulnerable with it should be your mate. A man needs to know that his woman needs him and vice versa. If your woman wants to vent,listen. If your man just wants to play the game and relax for a while,let him. Be one another’s peace.

I’ve learned that it is important to take the initiative in relationships. If you know he/she needs something and can’t purchase or take care of the situation at the moment and you are able to,do it. It is hard finding someone in this world who has your back and who is willing to elevate you whenyou’re  down.

Affection. Affection is important. Even if you aren’t having sex,show one another affection. A shoulder rub. Forehead kisses. Hugs. Compliments. All of that matters. It makes your significant other feel wanted, loved and appreciated.

Keep people out of your business. What happens between you,happens between the two of you. Don’t run to other people and/or the Internet. Learn to communicate and work things out together. Stop letting people know when your home isn’t happy,its not their business. 

Most importantly,keep God in your relationship. Pray together and pray for one another. If it is meant to work,it will work. 

Concrete Rose

Welcome back!

With this being my second blog post, I wanted to dig into the ideas going through my head and what’s been happening in my life over the last few months. To some, it may just seem like I’m rambling but to others, you may be able to relate.

It has almost been a year since I’ve moved to Ohio. I haven’t done much of anything, other than work and I’ve found a few good restaurants in between working and doing my on-line classes. I’ve failed to make friends outside of work and Lord knows I haven’t met any potential matches as far as dating is concerned. I haven’t found a new church home and I don’t engage in any community activities.I knew people in Ohio prior to moving here but I’m literally always at work so we don’t hang out much. I don’t want to return to Detroit because I feel like there is nothing there for me, other than my family and friends. Even when I lived in Detroit I felt like work and school consumed my life. I basically gave up on my dreams and goals because work became my everything. That’s no way to live. Have you ever felt like you’ve been placed somewhere for a reason but are unaware of the reason? Welp,that’s how I feel! I feel like God placed me in Ohio, in my current career position for a reason…

When I first arrived in the “O”, some months ago I was hopeful. I felt “new”,for a lack of better words. Months later, I feel warn down and beat up. But lately, I’ve been feeling motivated to turn my attitude and life around. I’m focused on trying to better myself and become a better person. I want to completely surrender to God, get my writing on track and just better my entire existence.

You know how you get credit cards and you go a little crazy…GUILTY! Well I paid off all of my credit cards and shredded them. I’m done with being broke. Not having money is a feeling I’m all to familiar with. I want, I need to start saving more money. I don’t want to be 60 years old with no money in my savings account. The second thing I set off to do was finish school. I’ve come too far in my educational journey to give up. I also started back blogging and making You-tube videos more often. I should have never stopped. Yes, working is a priority to survive but my dreams and goals shouldn’t starve because of it. Most importantly, I want to strengthen my relationship with God and surrender all of my love to him. Without God, I feel like no matter what you do things will never be or go right. I’ve also been working on trying to eat better and exercise more. So far, I’ve done Zumba once since I purchased the DVD’s but I plan to do it at-least four times a week. I want to build more friendships and network. I don’t want to end up being an old spinster with two cats and a bird. Lastly, I’m okay with being single,”the man who finds a wife finds a good thing.” 

My co-worker has been really been helping see life in a new light. I realize that I keep a lot of things bottled inside. I’m sensitive but I can also turn around and snap into beast mode. I want to deal with my emotions in a healthy manner and properly handle problems. I have to stop suppressing my pain and frustrations. 

All in all, I don’t mind living a mediocre life but I don’t want to live knowing that I could have done better or that I could have done more. I want to reach my full potential and grow as much as I can mentally, emotionally and spiritually. There is so much that I want to do and see in life and in order to do those things I can’t limit myself to the four corners of my job. I want to live up to my fullest potential and experience what God has in store for me.

See beauty in your growth,just like roses in the concrete.

Until next time, be blessed and stay focused.

flowergrowingthroughconcrete

Greetings!

Hello everyone!

I decided to make my very first blog post an introduction. I want my readers to feel close to me. But before I jump into all of the juicy details about who I am, let me jump start this post by briefly discussing why I started this blog.  I’ve blogged before, from random topics, to co-blogging about  issues facing plus size women. In previous blogs, I failed to be consistent or I simply lost focus on the purpose of the blog ,which eventually made me lose interest in writing a blog all together.  I finally feel somewhat grounded and know what direction I want to take my blogging. With all of that said, I created this blog to share my dreams and to encourage others. I want to share my doubts, my fears and my accomplishments. The name “Regurgitated Dreams” means to keep bringing up your dreams and keep them fresh in your mind. Maybe a million people will read my blog, maybe nobody will but I feel that this is something that I need to do for myself and hopefully down the line my post will encourage someone.

Now,about me…Amber!

AmberJ

Welp, I’m a  Michigan native but I recently moved to Ohio for career reasons. I love cooking, writing, and listening to music. I’m an animal lover, more so dogs than I cats.  I don’t like snakes or pretty much anything thing that flies or that has more than four legs. Does that still make me an animal lover?  I have never been married and I don’t have any children. I am 24, I was born December 5, 1990. I’m anxious to be 25, I feel like the next year is going to bring great things for me. I’m the youngest of four. I grew up in Detroit with two of my siblings and my parents. I’m one of those people that will go to the extreme for my family. I’ve never been a social butterfly, I’m probably socially awkward to some people.  I guess I spend too much time alone…Lol! I’ve never been good at going into detail about myself so I just throw randoms information together.  But, it is me in a nut shell.