I usually do not make blog post this early in the week but I had something heavy on my heart and mind that I wanted to write about. As an African-American, people assume that I should be angry because “my people” are constantly being killed unjustly and brutalized in the legal system and constantly being stereo-typed for the color of their skin. Does that make me angry? Yes,of course it does. But, it makes me even more angry that those same people don’t believe that I should be angry if it happens to someone outside of my color range. I’m probably one of very few people who is outraged by the injustices facing all people. I also HATE how Black people kill Black people literally everyday over women, drugs, material possessions and social media commentary and you barely hear a whisper about it. Do we not realize that we hate our own kind? We as a nation should be angered that any HUMAN-being is being murdered, raped, or taunted… regardless of their skin complexion. Yes, Black people have been treated horribly over the last hundred + years and quit frankly they still are and I’m in no shape,form or fashion trying to minimize that issue. But, I will not walk around un-bothered when a Hispanic,Asian or Caucasian person is wrongfully murdered, mistreated or convicted.. Yes, racism and segregation are alive and well.Yes, we are technically “free” but we live in a day and age of modern day slavery. Some of us are mentally in chains. Some of us lack knowledge which keeps us chained. And yes, Black people tend to always be the target. But, I was raised that right is right and wrong is wrong, regardless of your sexual orientation, skin color, and/or religious creed. Justice is defined as,”just behavior or treatment. A concern for justice, peace, and genuine respect for PEOPLE.” I want justice for all people. I want children of every color and people of all color not to be scared of the police. I want people to love one another for who they are and not hate them because of the color they had no choice in deciding. I want us to celebrate our differences. I know these changes may never happen and if they do they will not take place over night. But, what kind of future are we creating for our children if we carry on like this? I also hate how so many people think violence is the issue. History shows that violence destroys more than it helps build.We get on social media and run our mouths but what are we doing to make a change? What are we doing to bridge the color gaps? What are we doing to change as individuals so that history doesn’t repeat itself? I encourage us as people to think outside the box, to work together for common goals and to love people even if we don’t like them. As Gandhi once said,”we have to be the change that we want to see.”
Society will try to make you believe that something is wrong with you if you don’t have life totally figured out by a certain age or by a certain point in your life.For a while,even I believed that. My mom has always tried to remind me to stop comparing myself to other people. It wasn’t until this year that I finally began to understand that. In the back of my mind I always knew she was right but I still tried to force myself to live up to other peoples standards of success. I tried to force myself to college because it is what everyone said I should be doing. I forced myself to work jobs that I hated because people said it would eventually pay off. The fact of the matter is,we’re all going in different directions. What is meant for someone else, may not be meant for you. What works for someone else, may not work for you. You can’t compare your life to a friends, a family members, or even a strangers life because we all walk different paths. Think of how boring life would be if everyone did and had the exact same things. We wouldn’t even understand the concept of hard work and we wouldn’t strive for anything. Set the bar for your own life and move at your own pace.I can remember when I was in high school, a lot of my friends had moved out of their parents homes before they were 18. I felt bad because I hadn’t. Now that I’m older,I realize that they moved because they had family issues or because they wanted to have more freedom. I had nothing to feel bad about, I’m thankful that my parents even allowed me to remain under their roof until I was financially able to move. There are so many other things that I did when I was younger because I wanted to try and keep up with what everyone else was doing. Thankfully, I wised up and learn to achieve things that I personally desired.
As you read this, ask yourself:
What are my short term goals?
What are my long term goals?
Where do I see myself in five years?
What have I accomplished so far?
What do I want to change about my life?
What do I want out of life?
I believe the answers to the above questions are important. It took me a long time to realize that there isn’t a particular age that you should be married. There isn’t a particular age that you should purchase your first car. There isn’t a particular age for anything that you want to accomplish, except the one that you set for yourself. If you want to purchase a car before you turn 25, work towards it. If you want to buy a home before you’re 40, work towards it. We let society dictate too much of our lives. We have to do things in our own time and stop forcing ourselves to abide by the same limits that other people set for themselves.
Lastly, it is okay to fail at something. It is okay to be confused and it is okay to get a little lost. Mistakes are meant to teach lessons. Trial and error is usually how we become successful. With most things in life, we will fail before we succeed but failing doesn’t make us failures. If one approach doesn’t work, try another and if that doesn’t work, try another. Do not get discouraged if something doesn’t work out the first time,always try another approach, or put your efforts towards something else. I’ve always liked the saying,if you fall 99 times get up 100 times.
It’s your life,don’t try to pursue someone else’s vision.
I’ve been thinking about something a lot lately. How in the hell do you make friends as an adult? As a child it was easy to make friends. You could sit next to someone eating the same type of sandwich as you and become best-friends the following week. But,as an adult, its not that easy. I always worry about coming off as a creeper when trying to make friends.I don’t even know how to approach the matter, do you magically just one day become friends without the mention of it. Then there’s always the fact that you could think you’re friends with someone and you really aren’t. For example, at my last job, I had gotten really close with one of my co-workers. We always talked and even worked out together. We went car shopping, grocery shopping and had even met each others families. I thought we were friends but it comes to find out, they just thought of me as a cool co-worker. Talk about a slap in the face!
Shucks, maybe it is harder for me to make friends because A.) I don’t go out often, I’m usually working and B.)I’m perfectly fine with being alone so sometimes I steer away from socializing. Typing that out and reading it aloud really makes me sounds nuts! But, in all seriousness, I’ve asked a few people and we’ve all agreed that making friends as an adult isn’t easy. A lot of things contribute to the hardship(s) of making friends, one main reason being… it is difficult to trust others as adults. As kids we were naive and thought we could trust everyone. Life has taught us otherwise. As kids things were simple, now there are so many politics and other bullshit involved in befriending others. It makes it kind of difficult to even converse with people…everyone wants to be right. Then you have friendships that turn into situation-ships ruining a chance at whatever friendship there was. Personally, I’m very standoffish the smallest thing in a big way could send me walking in the other direction. That may have not made sense. Let’s say someone said,” I hate when people are gay.” That is a small thing in a big way. Although I’m not gay I take offense to that. I most likely would shut down and no longer pursue a friendship with that person.Of course, I respect other people and their opinions but in my opinion saying something like that is ignorant and I don’t want to befriend a person who would say something along those lines. Again, as kids things were so much easier.
It’s easy to meet people and hold a conversation with them but how do you move past the initial conversation? There is this girl on my Instagram,she seems like an awesome person and probably would make a kick ass friend. We speak on Instagram occasionally but never more than a few words. I would actually like to build a friendship but again how do I go about it? I think I would come off a tad creepy if I got in her DM and said hey, I would like to get to know you better…or something along those lines. She would probably think I wanted to make her my girlfriend because most people for some reason always assume that someone is attracted to them. Then there’s the whole trying to be friends with someone who is attracted to you or that you are attracted to. Shit just gets complicated. On top of it all even if you do befriend someone, the longevity of the friendship seems to always be short lived. As adults, we often let relationships, work, pride and so many other things come between friendships. Then you have the type of people that never want to hang out and if they do hang out with you they’re stuck looking at their phone the whole time. I text and surf the Internet just as much as the next person but I like face to face interactions WITHOUT having our phones glued to our hands. What’s the point in being in the company of someone if you aren’t paying them any mind?
Am I thinking too hard on this?
I think this is exactly why dog is mans best-friend. If it weren’t for social media I probably wouldn’t know a lot of the people that I know now. It is much easier to befriend people over the Internet through sites like Facebook but even then, you can come off as a creeper, or come across someone who seems like a creeper but might not actually be. Ugh, then there’s the awkward moment when you actually meet them face to face for the first time. I met a girl in 7th grade off of Black Planet,we became really close and eventually looked at one another as sisters. We finally met and young out when were in high school. We still talk occasionally but it seems like the older we got the more we drifted apart. That happens a lot with childhood friendships. People move away,they get jobs, they have families, etc.
The idea of making friends as adult makes my head hurt, there needs to be some sort of rules to this or levels…something. Geesh!
I wrote a similar blog post a few weeks ago but I had the spirit to write about this today opposed to the 99 other shitty ideas I had.
Perhaps mentally and emotionally I’m stuck in a past time. What happened to going on dates? Spending quality time? Meeting each others parents? Actually communicating face to face, instead of through text messages?
It seems like nearly everyone in my generation has issues with trust and thanks to Loyal by Chris Brown, the vast majority of people go around with the mentality that “these hoes ain’t loyal.” With that, I think some people are idiots because aren’t hoes suppose to be unfaithful? Nonetheless, you can’t categorize all people as being the same. Maybe I’m the one with the distorted vision of love, relationships and fidelity. I’ve been lied to and cheated on. I’ve had my emotions played with and trampled on but that has never created a cold spot in my heart. I may be cautious of who I allow to get close to me and of who I trust but I have never let my past be accountable for my future. I’ve always believed that if you are going to give a person a chance, actually give them a chance. You can’t let past heartbreak stop you from loving. You can’t let someone else breaking your trust stop you from trusting again. And you most certainly can’t make someone be accountable for what another person did to you.In my opinion, people in my generation are damaged emotionally. Too many of us do not know how to forgive and move forward and so many of us fail to realize that forgiveness is for our own peace. Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic but I still believe in true love. I believe in unconditional love and I believe that there are still faithful people in this world.
Are we all doomed by these dark clouds of bias views about the opposite sex?