I’ve been thinking a lot lately about love, children and marriage. I want a family, I want to build a life beyond myself. I’m ready to share my life with someone for the rest of my life, us against the world. I’m confident in saying that I know who the man is that I want to marry, and who wants to marry me. That sounds crazy seeing that I often blog about being single and not having any love interest. Let me explain. I’ve loved someone since I was sixteen years old, but certain events have kept us apart for the past six years. Now that we are back in each others lives and getting to know our adult selves, I know where I want to be. I’ve always known where I wanted to be, I just was unable to be there. Over the past six years I’ve dated other guys, had conversations, caught feelings,but none as deep as the ones I have for my guy. He’s someone who makes me think about marriage, being a better woman, having children and growing old together. Granted, I’ve never thought about children and marriage before, but I’ve yearned for it the way I do with him. He gives me butterflies and always has. I’m like the female version of him, it’s weird but a good weird. When I’m not with him I always think about it. He supports me. He has my best interest at heart. He motivates me. He loves me despite my flaws and he takes the good with the bad. He treats me like a queen and his actions prove that he loves and cares about me. We learn from each other. I’m confident in following his lead. I don’t mind being submissive to him. While we still have a lot to learn about each other and a lot of growing to do both collectively and individually, I’m enjoying the process.
At this point I guess I’m just rambling, but for those of you who have ever been in love will understand what I mean. In the meant time, I’m being patient and continuing to better myself both as a person and as woman.
I realize that I haven’t written a blog in a little over a month. I don’t have a valid excuse for my absence other than the fact that I haven’t felt inspired to actually write a blog. I’m not sure that I’m inspired at the moment to write anything now either. But, nonetheless I’m here!
Can we talk about dating in 2015 for a moment? I probably haven’t been in a serious relationship since 2012 or 2013. I’ve quote on quote “talked to people” and I guess semi-dated people but again, nothing serious.
The Liar: I recently met someone, in the beginning I loved getting to know this person. He was funny, listened and kept me entertained mentally then it all changed. He starting telling lies, calling me drunk and an array of other things. I immediately blocked his number and wanted nothing more to do with him.
The Bug-Ah-Boo: In the beginning he was nice, sweet and I could tell he had been hurt by a lot by women in his past. After a while he turned into a needy nuisance. He never wanted to talk on the phone he only wanted to text which was a red flag to me. He disagreed with me when I said text messages were not a proper for of communication. I blocked his number as well. It seems like most people in this day and age only want to text.
Distant Lover: He was pretty cool. He had a good head on his shoulders but he stays back home in Detroit. Seeing each other every couple of weekends wasn’t enough for him, which is understandable. We held onto each other as if we were going to make a relationship work but we both knew it wouldn’t.
Outside of the above three men, I’ve met a few others who were interesting to say the least. Of those people, some only were looking to “hook up” this whole “Netflix and Chill” concept seems to be the talk of the town,no thank you. Others were too immature mentally or simply weren’t on the same track as me when it came to life plans and building a future. I’ve also met several people who are afraid of loving someone and those who are afraid of being loved and/or cared about by a woman.
Dating is so frustrating and this process of getting to know people and then having them fall off the face of the earth, or having them completely change their persona is quite annoying. Too many people don’t see marriage as the ultimate goal of dating and too many people don’t want a monogamous relationship or have such deeply embedded trust issues that they don’t even believe that monogamy exist. Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic, living in a world of “hooking up” but I still believe that Mr. Right is out there. I have faith that there is a man out there especially for me. If not, I ‘ll just call it quits and become a cat lady.
I was recently asked did I plan on dating. I was amused, yet shocked by the question,mainly by who asked the question. Until I was asked did I plan on dating, I hadn’t put much thought behind the idea. Would I like a boyfriend, of course. But do I actually go out to meet men, or even come off as if I’m looking for a man, no. I’m not even sure why that is, maybe I’ve just gotten so used to being alone. I can’t even remember the last time I met a man and actually took him seriously. I guess that’s why I haven’t attempted to go and wrangler up potential suitors. Also, my last serious relationship broke me emotionally, I’m somewhat afraid to jump back into the dating ring because of that.
I was also asked had I tried online dating. I laughed. Most dating sites are filled with men looking for someone to have a fling with and not necessarily someone to build with. And, I most certainly do not want to pay for sites such as Match.com. I’ve created profiles on dating sites in the past but eventually remove them simply because you have to pay for a subscription and/or because the process becomes so redundant. I don’t feel inclined to pay a company to find me a mate, if that’s the case, I’ll just stay single.
I haven’t seriously dated someone in over a year. I’ve held plenty of conversations with men but none of those conversations interested me enough to get to know the men further. Most men don’t even know how to hold a conversation better yet maintain a relationship. Do I sound bitter? I guess I’m just tired of the whole talking for a few weeks then having the guy change practically over night. The whole process of dating is annoying.
Despite my reservations,I guess eventually I’ll have to get a grip and jump back into the dating scene. After all, I would like to get married and build a family. But for now, I guess I’m just focused on getting to know myself better and focusing on what I want in life.