Category Archives: Family

Tuesday Thoughts

 

detroit-bankruptcy

For those of you who follow my blog, you probably already know that I was born and raised in Detroit, Michigan. The home of the Tigers, Lions, Pistons and Red Wings. The city that drinks Vernors for whatever ales you. The city within a city.  Detroiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttt! Growing up my parents kept me pretty sheltered. They knew who my friends were, who their parents were and I wasn’t allowed to be anywhere without their permission. As a child, I didn’t understand why my parents kept me so guarded, my  understanding of the streets were opaque. It wasn’t until middle school that I began to understand just how rough the streets were and how vicious people could be. Even then, I was still living in darkness about the city around me.

In high school, I had more freedom. My comings and goings were still monitored, but I had a lot of idol time after school, before my parents got home. I became friends and even dated some unsavory characters. I did a lot of things that I shouldn’t have, things that others deemed as normal. I was exposed to different experiences, environments and people,I learned a lot about the streets. My vision become more transparent. A whole new world opened up, not a pretty one either. I started to lose friends because of their involvement in the streets, or simply because they were in the right place at the wrong time. I guess I became numb to death and loss became a normalcy. It wasn’t until recently that I began to take heed to all of the negativity and evil occurrences that continue to transpire in the city. For most of my life I’ve dealt with negative commentary about being from Detroit. Most folks think that we’re all killers and drug dealers;the scum of the earth. In reality, there are truly some amazing people in Detroit and from Detroit. The city is truly discredited for it’s efforts, mainly because of crime rates and mainstream media.

I’ve officially been out of Detroit for three years, I’m actively on the outside looking in. Bad things happen every where, but for a place that you call home to birth so much ugly, both sadness and sickens me. I fear for the lives of my family and my friends. Everyday I see at-least one my friends on social media post RIP to someone they love. I frequently hear about childhood friends being injured or killed at the hands of someone else. Again, horrible events happen everywhere, everyday, but it hurts even more when you are from the very place where events are occurring, when your family and friends are in the mist of it and when you fear for their lives.

I believe that Detroit is diamond in the rough, but like most places people uphold themselves to a different moral code. Neighborhoods have lost courage. Communities are broken, people are broken. People are living in fear. The value of inanimate objects is placed before the value of a human life. Individuals are consumed with greed and under the assumption that they own the streets. People take what they didn’t not earn. So many people have accepted the death and corruption around them that they see no reason to rise up against it.

I pray for change. I pray that people everywhere begin to see the value of other peoples lives. I pray that people begin to see the destruction that they are causing and the lives that they are ruining. I pray that if nothing else, people begin to see the error in their ways.

 

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Love and Marriage

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about love, children and marriage. I want a family, I want to build a life beyond myself. I’m ready to share my life with someone for the rest of my life, us against the world. I’m confident in saying that I know who the man is that I want to marry, and who wants to marry me. That sounds crazy seeing that I often blog about being single and not having any love interest. Let me explain. I’ve loved someone since I was sixteen years old, but certain events have kept us apart for the past six years. Now that we are back in each others lives and getting to know our adult selves, I know where I want to be. I’ve always known where I wanted to be, I just was unable to be there. Over the past six years I’ve dated other guys, had conversations, caught feelings,but none as deep as the ones I have for my guy. He’s someone who makes me think about marriage, being a better woman, having children and growing old together. Granted, I’ve never thought about children and marriage before, but I’ve yearned for it the way I do with him. He gives me butterflies and always has. I’m like the female version of him, it’s weird but a good weird. When I’m not with him I always think about it. He supports me. He has my best interest at heart. He motivates me. He loves me despite my flaws and he takes the good with the bad. He treats me like a queen and his actions prove that he loves and cares about me. We learn from each other. I’m confident in following his lead. I don’t mind being submissive to him. While we still have a lot to learn about each other and a lot of growing to do both collectively and individually, I’m enjoying the process.

At this point I guess I’m just rambling, but for those of you who have ever been in love will understand what I mean. In the meant time, I’m being patient and continuing to better myself both as a person and as woman.

Relationships

rr

 

 

Let me start by saying this,I’m not an expert.As a matter of fact;my last serious relationship was probably in 2012 but it lasted well over a year. Was I in love? Yes. We didn’t work out for several reasons, the main being, after so long of being together I felt like over time he got too comfortable and thought that  he could tell me anything and I would believe it.  We eventually came to terms that we didn’t need to be together or at-least I realized that. It took a long time for me to get over him emotionally. He was someone who I  spent most of my time with, someone who had seen me at my most vulnerable moments, most of all we shared a friendship and that was probably the most difficult thing to recover from. I met him when I was sixteen and it took until I was twenty for us to actually become a couple. He knew me like that back of his hand and vice versa, we were two peas in a pod. At the end of the day I loved him but I loved me more. Through my relationship with my ex-boyfriend I learned a lot about myself and relationships which is why I think I’m entitled to give my two-cent about relationships. (Lol)

Here is what I’ve learned:

It is okay to love a person and make compromises for that person but do not compromise who you are for someone else. In a relationship, you grow together and you push one another to be better people. Nonetheless, you shouldn’t feel like the other person is forcing you to be someone that you’re not and you shouldn’t be the only person making compromises. Also,donn’t try to change a person,if they want to change for you,they will. Being with a person is about loving them for who they are,not who you think they can be.

In a relationship, you will have disagreements, you may even tell white lies but when your significant other starts hiding things from you and telling  lies…that’s a problem. If you don’t share trust and I mean blind trust,there is no point of being in a relationship with them.

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. If there is nobody else in this world you feel comfortable being vulnerable with it should be your mate. A man needs to know that his woman needs him and vice versa. If your woman wants to vent,listen. If your man just wants to play the game and relax for a while,let him. Be one another’s peace.

I’ve learned that it is important to take the initiative in relationships. If you know he/she needs something and can’t purchase or take care of the situation at the moment and you are able to,do it. It is hard finding someone in this world who has your back and who is willing to elevate you whenyou’re  down.

Affection. Affection is important. Even if you aren’t having sex,show one another affection. A shoulder rub. Forehead kisses. Hugs. Compliments. All of that matters. It makes your significant other feel wanted, loved and appreciated.

Keep people out of your business. What happens between you,happens between the two of you. Don’t run to other people and/or the Internet. Learn to communicate and work things out together. Stop letting people know when your home isn’t happy,its not their business. 

Most importantly,keep God in your relationship. Pray together and pray for one another. If it is meant to work,it will work. 

Concrete Rose

Welcome back!

With this being my second blog post, I wanted to dig into the ideas going through my head and what’s been happening in my life over the last few months. To some, it may just seem like I’m rambling but to others, you may be able to relate.

It has almost been a year since I’ve moved to Ohio. I haven’t done much of anything, other than work and I’ve found a few good restaurants in between working and doing my on-line classes. I’ve failed to make friends outside of work and Lord knows I haven’t met any potential matches as far as dating is concerned. I haven’t found a new church home and I don’t engage in any community activities.I knew people in Ohio prior to moving here but I’m literally always at work so we don’t hang out much. I don’t want to return to Detroit because I feel like there is nothing there for me, other than my family and friends. Even when I lived in Detroit I felt like work and school consumed my life. I basically gave up on my dreams and goals because work became my everything. That’s no way to live. Have you ever felt like you’ve been placed somewhere for a reason but are unaware of the reason? Welp,that’s how I feel! I feel like God placed me in Ohio, in my current career position for a reason…

When I first arrived in the “O”, some months ago I was hopeful. I felt “new”,for a lack of better words. Months later, I feel warn down and beat up. But lately, I’ve been feeling motivated to turn my attitude and life around. I’m focused on trying to better myself and become a better person. I want to completely surrender to God, get my writing on track and just better my entire existence.

You know how you get credit cards and you go a little crazy…GUILTY! Well I paid off all of my credit cards and shredded them. I’m done with being broke. Not having money is a feeling I’m all to familiar with. I want, I need to start saving more money. I don’t want to be 60 years old with no money in my savings account. The second thing I set off to do was finish school. I’ve come too far in my educational journey to give up. I also started back blogging and making You-tube videos more often. I should have never stopped. Yes, working is a priority to survive but my dreams and goals shouldn’t starve because of it. Most importantly, I want to strengthen my relationship with God and surrender all of my love to him. Without God, I feel like no matter what you do things will never be or go right. I’ve also been working on trying to eat better and exercise more. So far, I’ve done Zumba once since I purchased the DVD’s but I plan to do it at-least four times a week. I want to build more friendships and network. I don’t want to end up being an old spinster with two cats and a bird. Lastly, I’m okay with being single,”the man who finds a wife finds a good thing.” 

My co-worker has been really been helping see life in a new light. I realize that I keep a lot of things bottled inside. I’m sensitive but I can also turn around and snap into beast mode. I want to deal with my emotions in a healthy manner and properly handle problems. I have to stop suppressing my pain and frustrations. 

All in all, I don’t mind living a mediocre life but I don’t want to live knowing that I could have done better or that I could have done more. I want to reach my full potential and grow as much as I can mentally, emotionally and spiritually. There is so much that I want to do and see in life and in order to do those things I can’t limit myself to the four corners of my job. I want to live up to my fullest potential and experience what God has in store for me.

See beauty in your growth,just like roses in the concrete.

Until next time, be blessed and stay focused.

flowergrowingthroughconcrete