Category Archives: Friends

Tuesday Thoughts

 

detroit-bankruptcy

For those of you who follow my blog, you probably already know that I was born and raised in Detroit, Michigan. The home of the Tigers, Lions, Pistons and Red Wings. The city that drinks Vernors for whatever ales you. The city within a city.  Detroiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttt! Growing up my parents kept me pretty sheltered. They knew who my friends were, who their parents were and I wasn’t allowed to be anywhere without their permission. As a child, I didn’t understand why my parents kept me so guarded, my  understanding of the streets were opaque. It wasn’t until middle school that I began to understand just how rough the streets were and how vicious people could be. Even then, I was still living in darkness about the city around me.

In high school, I had more freedom. My comings and goings were still monitored, but I had a lot of idol time after school, before my parents got home. I became friends and even dated some unsavory characters. I did a lot of things that I shouldn’t have, things that others deemed as normal. I was exposed to different experiences, environments and people,I learned a lot about the streets. My vision become more transparent. A whole new world opened up, not a pretty one either. I started to lose friends because of their involvement in the streets, or simply because they were in the right place at the wrong time. I guess I became numb to death and loss became a normalcy. It wasn’t until recently that I began to take heed to all of the negativity and evil occurrences that continue to transpire in the city. For most of my life I’ve dealt with negative commentary about being from Detroit. Most folks think that we’re all killers and drug dealers;the scum of the earth. In reality, there are truly some amazing people in Detroit and from Detroit. The city is truly discredited for it’s efforts, mainly because of crime rates and mainstream media.

I’ve officially been out of Detroit for three years, I’m actively on the outside looking in. Bad things happen every where, but for a place that you call home to birth so much ugly, both sadness and sickens me. I fear for the lives of my family and my friends. Everyday I see at-least one my friends on social media post RIP to someone they love. I frequently hear about childhood friends being injured or killed at the hands of someone else. Again, horrible events happen everywhere, everyday, but it hurts even more when you are from the very place where events are occurring, when your family and friends are in the mist of it and when you fear for their lives.

I believe that Detroit is diamond in the rough, but like most places people uphold themselves to a different moral code. Neighborhoods have lost courage. Communities are broken, people are broken. People are living in fear. The value of inanimate objects is placed before the value of a human life. Individuals are consumed with greed and under the assumption that they own the streets. People take what they didn’t not earn. So many people have accepted the death and corruption around them that they see no reason to rise up against it.

I pray for change. I pray that people everywhere begin to see the value of other peoples lives. I pray that people begin to see the destruction that they are causing and the lives that they are ruining. I pray that if nothing else, people begin to see the error in their ways.

 

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Love and Marriage

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about love, children and marriage. I want a family, I want to build a life beyond myself. I’m ready to share my life with someone for the rest of my life, us against the world. I’m confident in saying that I know who the man is that I want to marry, and who wants to marry me. That sounds crazy seeing that I often blog about being single and not having any love interest. Let me explain. I’ve loved someone since I was sixteen years old, but certain events have kept us apart for the past six years. Now that we are back in each others lives and getting to know our adult selves, I know where I want to be. I’ve always known where I wanted to be, I just was unable to be there. Over the past six years I’ve dated other guys, had conversations, caught feelings,but none as deep as the ones I have for my guy. He’s someone who makes me think about marriage, being a better woman, having children and growing old together. Granted, I’ve never thought about children and marriage before, but I’ve yearned for it the way I do with him. He gives me butterflies and always has. I’m like the female version of him, it’s weird but a good weird. When I’m not with him I always think about it. He supports me. He has my best interest at heart. He motivates me. He loves me despite my flaws and he takes the good with the bad. He treats me like a queen and his actions prove that he loves and cares about me. We learn from each other. I’m confident in following his lead. I don’t mind being submissive to him. While we still have a lot to learn about each other and a lot of growing to do both collectively and individually, I’m enjoying the process.

At this point I guess I’m just rambling, but for those of you who have ever been in love will understand what I mean. In the meant time, I’m being patient and continuing to better myself both as a person and as woman.

Not a Writer?

Last night I spoke with a close friend of mine. He and I usually speak once a week but I hadn’t spoken to him in over two weeks. It was a given that we had a lot of thoughts to exchange. After we got all of the how have you been’s…what have you been up to’s out of the way,we got to the real meat and potatoes of the conversation. I felt inclined to share certain parts of my life with him, I exposed emotional and mental parts of myself to him that he’s never seen.  I felt a sense of weakness because I had  never done so.. For the first time I became vulnerable to him. I fought back salty tears as I spoke of my deceased grandmother and aunt, two women who meant the world to me. Once I pulled my shit together, we landed on the topic of life goals and the things we want out of life. It was close to 4:00 o’clock in the morning as we both sleepily held our phones to our ears. I assume the late hour is what struck such deep conversation, well at-least on my end. I went on to say that if I wasn’t meant to be a writer, I don’t know what it is that I was meant to be.

Every since I was a child I’ve enjoyed two things, playing school  and writing. Seeing that I’m twenty-five years old, I no longer play school so I’ve been left with writing. I’m not the best writer and I still have a ways to go before I’m even considered good. Nonetheless, writing is all I think about, it’s all I’ve ever seriously seen myself doing. I watched a speech by Jim Carrie and in one minute he summed up life for me. Carrie said,”You can fail at what you don’t want so you might as well take a chance at what you love.” That hit me like a ton of bricks and it made so much sense to me. We spend so much, if not all of our lives doing what we don’t want to do because we’re scared of failure. Meanwhile, we get terminated from jobs that we hate or simply can’t hack it at others. Why not give what we love a chance?

I snapped back into the conversation and my friend reminded me that everything is in Gods time. Maybe I’m not a bestselling author today but that doesn’t mean I should stop striving to be one. Things most likely won’t happen when you want them to or how you want them to but God defiantly has a plan for you and your name can’t be removed from that plan by anyone on this earth. What is yours, is yours!

By the end of our conversation, I had a boost of confidence. However, the question still remained…if I’m not meant to be  a writer, then I don’t know what it is that I’m meant to be. I vowed to myself that I will give myself a chance at what I love. A chance to be happy doing what I love to do. If we never take chances, we’ll never know what could have been.

 

Typed-Writer

Yes..No..Maybe

be-my-friend

I’ve been thinking about something a lot lately. How in the hell do you make friends as an adult? As a child it was easy to make friends. You could sit next to someone eating the same type of sandwich as you and become best-friends the following week. But,as an adult, its not that easy. I always worry about coming off as a creeper when trying to make friends.I don’t even know how to approach the matter, do you magically just one day become friends without the mention of it. Then there’s always the fact that you could think you’re friends with someone and you really aren’t. For example, at my last job, I had gotten really close with one of my co-workers. We always talked and even worked out together. We went car shopping, grocery shopping and had even met each others families. I thought we were friends but it comes to find out, they just thought of me as a cool co-worker. Talk about a slap in the face!

Shucks, maybe it is harder for me to make friends because A.) I don’t go out often, I’m usually working and B.)I’m perfectly fine with being alone so sometimes I steer away from socializing. Typing that out and reading it aloud really makes me sounds nuts! But, in all seriousness, I’ve asked a few people and we’ve all agreed that making friends as an adult isn’t easy. A lot of things contribute to the hardship(s) of making friends, one main reason being… it is difficult to trust others as adults. As kids we were naive and thought we could trust everyone. Life has taught us otherwise. As kids things were simple, now there are so many politics and other bullshit involved in befriending others. It makes it kind of difficult to even converse with people…everyone wants to be right. Then you have friendships that turn into situation-ships ruining a chance at whatever friendship there was. Personally, I’m very standoffish the smallest thing in a big way could send me walking in the other direction. That may have not made sense. Let’s say someone said,” I hate when people are gay.” That is a small thing in a big way. Although I’m not gay I take offense to that. I most likely would shut down and no longer pursue a friendship with that person.Of course, I respect other people and their opinions but in my opinion saying something like that is ignorant and I don’t want to befriend a person who would say something along those lines. Again, as kids things were so much easier.

It’s easy to meet people and hold a conversation with them but how do you move past the initial conversation? There is this girl on my Instagram,she seems like an awesome person and probably would make a kick ass friend. We speak on Instagram occasionally but never more than a few words.  I would actually like to build a friendship but again how do I go about it? I think I would come off a tad creepy if I got in her DM and said hey, I would like to get to know you better…or something along those lines. She would probably think I wanted to make her my girlfriend because most people for some reason always assume that someone is attracted to them. Then there’s the whole trying to be friends with someone who is attracted to you or that you are attracted to. Shit just gets complicated. On top of it all even if you do befriend someone, the longevity of the friendship seems to always be short lived. As adults, we often let relationships, work, pride and so many other things come between friendships. Then you have the type of people that never want to hang out and if they do hang out with you they’re stuck looking at their phone the whole time. I text and surf the Internet just as much as the next person but I like face to face interactions WITHOUT having our phones glued to our hands. What’s the point in being in the company of someone if you aren’t paying them any mind?

 Am I thinking too hard on this?

I think this is exactly why dog is mans best-friend. If it weren’t for social media I probably wouldn’t know a lot of the people that I know now. It is much easier to befriend people over the Internet through sites like Facebook but even then, you can come off as a creeper, or come across someone who seems like a creeper but might not actually be. Ugh, then there’s the awkward moment when you actually meet them face to face for the first time. I met a girl in 7th grade off of Black Planet,we became really close and eventually looked at one another as sisters. We finally met and young out when were in high school. We still talk occasionally but it seems like the older we got the more we drifted apart. That happens a lot with childhood friendships. People move away,they get jobs, they have families, etc.

The idea of making friends as adult makes my head hurt, there needs to be some sort of rules to this or levels…something. Geesh!