Category Archives: Love

Dating Frenzy

dating

I was recently asked did I plan on dating. I was amused, yet shocked by the question,mainly by who asked the question. Until I was asked did I plan on dating, I hadn’t put much thought behind the idea. Would I like a boyfriend, of course. But do I actually go out to meet men, or even come off as if I’m looking for a man, no. I’m not even sure why that is, maybe I’ve just gotten so used to being alone. I can’t even remember the last time I met a man and actually took him seriously. I guess that’s why I haven’t attempted to go and wrangler up potential suitors. Also, my last serious relationship broke me emotionally, I’m somewhat afraid to jump back into the dating ring because of that.

I was also asked had I tried online dating. I laughed. Most dating sites are filled with men looking for someone to have a fling with and not necessarily someone to build with. And, I most certainly do not want to pay for sites such as Match.com. I’ve created profiles on dating sites in the past but eventually remove them simply because you have to pay for a subscription and/or because the process becomes so redundant.  I don’t feel inclined to pay a company to find me a mate, if that’s the case, I’ll just stay single.

I haven’t seriously dated someone in over a year. I’ve held plenty of conversations with men but none of those conversations interested me enough to get to know the men further. Most men don’t even know how to hold a conversation better yet maintain a relationship. Do I sound bitter? I guess I’m just tired of the whole talking for a few weeks then having the guy change practically over night. The whole process of dating is annoying.

Despite my reservations,I guess eventually I’ll have to get a grip and jump back into the dating scene. After all, I would like to get married and build a family. But for now, I guess I’m just focused on getting to know myself better and focusing on what I want in life.

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Relationships

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Let me start by saying this,I’m not an expert.As a matter of fact;my last serious relationship was probably in 2012 but it lasted well over a year. Was I in love? Yes. We didn’t work out for several reasons, the main being, after so long of being together I felt like over time he got too comfortable and thought that  he could tell me anything and I would believe it.  We eventually came to terms that we didn’t need to be together or at-least I realized that. It took a long time for me to get over him emotionally. He was someone who I  spent most of my time with, someone who had seen me at my most vulnerable moments, most of all we shared a friendship and that was probably the most difficult thing to recover from. I met him when I was sixteen and it took until I was twenty for us to actually become a couple. He knew me like that back of his hand and vice versa, we were two peas in a pod. At the end of the day I loved him but I loved me more. Through my relationship with my ex-boyfriend I learned a lot about myself and relationships which is why I think I’m entitled to give my two-cent about relationships. (Lol)

Here is what I’ve learned:

It is okay to love a person and make compromises for that person but do not compromise who you are for someone else. In a relationship, you grow together and you push one another to be better people. Nonetheless, you shouldn’t feel like the other person is forcing you to be someone that you’re not and you shouldn’t be the only person making compromises. Also,donn’t try to change a person,if they want to change for you,they will. Being with a person is about loving them for who they are,not who you think they can be.

In a relationship, you will have disagreements, you may even tell white lies but when your significant other starts hiding things from you and telling  lies…that’s a problem. If you don’t share trust and I mean blind trust,there is no point of being in a relationship with them.

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. If there is nobody else in this world you feel comfortable being vulnerable with it should be your mate. A man needs to know that his woman needs him and vice versa. If your woman wants to vent,listen. If your man just wants to play the game and relax for a while,let him. Be one another’s peace.

I’ve learned that it is important to take the initiative in relationships. If you know he/she needs something and can’t purchase or take care of the situation at the moment and you are able to,do it. It is hard finding someone in this world who has your back and who is willing to elevate you whenyou’re  down.

Affection. Affection is important. Even if you aren’t having sex,show one another affection. A shoulder rub. Forehead kisses. Hugs. Compliments. All of that matters. It makes your significant other feel wanted, loved and appreciated.

Keep people out of your business. What happens between you,happens between the two of you. Don’t run to other people and/or the Internet. Learn to communicate and work things out together. Stop letting people know when your home isn’t happy,its not their business. 

Most importantly,keep God in your relationship. Pray together and pray for one another. If it is meant to work,it will work. 

Concrete Rose

Welcome back!

With this being my second blog post, I wanted to dig into the ideas going through my head and what’s been happening in my life over the last few months. To some, it may just seem like I’m rambling but to others, you may be able to relate.

It has almost been a year since I’ve moved to Ohio. I haven’t done much of anything, other than work and I’ve found a few good restaurants in between working and doing my on-line classes. I’ve failed to make friends outside of work and Lord knows I haven’t met any potential matches as far as dating is concerned. I haven’t found a new church home and I don’t engage in any community activities.I knew people in Ohio prior to moving here but I’m literally always at work so we don’t hang out much. I don’t want to return to Detroit because I feel like there is nothing there for me, other than my family and friends. Even when I lived in Detroit I felt like work and school consumed my life. I basically gave up on my dreams and goals because work became my everything. That’s no way to live. Have you ever felt like you’ve been placed somewhere for a reason but are unaware of the reason? Welp,that’s how I feel! I feel like God placed me in Ohio, in my current career position for a reason…

When I first arrived in the “O”, some months ago I was hopeful. I felt “new”,for a lack of better words. Months later, I feel warn down and beat up. But lately, I’ve been feeling motivated to turn my attitude and life around. I’m focused on trying to better myself and become a better person. I want to completely surrender to God, get my writing on track and just better my entire existence.

You know how you get credit cards and you go a little crazy…GUILTY! Well I paid off all of my credit cards and shredded them. I’m done with being broke. Not having money is a feeling I’m all to familiar with. I want, I need to start saving more money. I don’t want to be 60 years old with no money in my savings account. The second thing I set off to do was finish school. I’ve come too far in my educational journey to give up. I also started back blogging and making You-tube videos more often. I should have never stopped. Yes, working is a priority to survive but my dreams and goals shouldn’t starve because of it. Most importantly, I want to strengthen my relationship with God and surrender all of my love to him. Without God, I feel like no matter what you do things will never be or go right. I’ve also been working on trying to eat better and exercise more. So far, I’ve done Zumba once since I purchased the DVD’s but I plan to do it at-least four times a week. I want to build more friendships and network. I don’t want to end up being an old spinster with two cats and a bird. Lastly, I’m okay with being single,”the man who finds a wife finds a good thing.” 

My co-worker has been really been helping see life in a new light. I realize that I keep a lot of things bottled inside. I’m sensitive but I can also turn around and snap into beast mode. I want to deal with my emotions in a healthy manner and properly handle problems. I have to stop suppressing my pain and frustrations. 

All in all, I don’t mind living a mediocre life but I don’t want to live knowing that I could have done better or that I could have done more. I want to reach my full potential and grow as much as I can mentally, emotionally and spiritually. There is so much that I want to do and see in life and in order to do those things I can’t limit myself to the four corners of my job. I want to live up to my fullest potential and experience what God has in store for me.

See beauty in your growth,just like roses in the concrete.

Until next time, be blessed and stay focused.

flowergrowingthroughconcrete