I’ve been thinking a lot lately about love, children and marriage. I want a family, I want to build a life beyond myself. I’m ready to share my life with someone for the rest of my life, us against the world. I’m confident in saying that I know who the man is that I want to marry, and who wants to marry me. That sounds crazy seeing that I often blog about being single and not having any love interest. Let me explain. I’ve loved someone since I was sixteen years old, but certain events have kept us apart for the past six years. Now that we are back in each others lives and getting to know our adult selves, I know where I want to be. I’ve always known where I wanted to be, I just was unable to be there. Over the past six years I’ve dated other guys, had conversations, caught feelings,but none as deep as the ones I have for my guy. He’s someone who makes me think about marriage, being a better woman, having children and growing old together. Granted, I’ve never thought about children and marriage before, but I’ve yearned for it the way I do with him. He gives me butterflies and always has. I’m like the female version of him, it’s weird but a good weird. When I’m not with him I always think about it. He supports me. He has my best interest at heart. He motivates me. He loves me despite my flaws and he takes the good with the bad. He treats me like a queen and his actions prove that he loves and cares about me. We learn from each other. I’m confident in following his lead. I don’t mind being submissive to him. While we still have a lot to learn about each other and a lot of growing to do both collectively and individually, I’m enjoying the process.
At this point I guess I’m just rambling, but for those of you who have ever been in love will understand what I mean. In the meant time, I’m being patient and continuing to better myself both as a person and as woman.
When it all boils down to it, would you rather have a job that you hate but it brings you wealth, or a job that doesn’t bring you wealth but allows you to live comfortably and it makes you happy?
I’ve spent my adulthood (I’m 25) working jobs that I hate but nonetheless have allowed me to maintain minor luxuries. My co-worker and I had a discussion today about our jobs vs our happiness. We both agreed that we would rather be happy than make x-amount of dollars. Nonetheless, we can’t be foolish and say screw our jobs, let’s go live on a beach and catch sea turtles. I would love to spend my time on this earth doing what I love to do but then I stopped to ask myself, “What is it that I love doing? What would bring me joy? What would I love doing even if it didn’t make me wealthy? Writing is the only thing that came to mind. I would love to travel and blog. Take pictures and write stories. Oh, and cook and eat! Realistically without having enough savings and some sort of income I probably won’t be able to do that. I guess that’s the irony of life. We get jammed up working jobs that we dislike, hoping that one day we can live out the dreams that we’ve engineered.
Sometimes I feel stuck,trapped in places that I hate. But, I know things will change, I just have to be patient and pray. I have to wait on Gods timing. I know that this is apart of my journey. I know that I have to keep writing and become a better writer than what I am now. I have to master my craft and invest in myself. I leave you all with this,fight for what you want! Fight for your dreams and fight for your happiness! Find your joy and figure out how to make money from it. Don’t give up, you are closer to bliss than you think!
Lately I’ve been trying to get more in tune with the Word of God and actually understand what I’m reading. I want to live by His words and not just throw out scriptures here and there. I also try to journal my thoughts, prayers and frustrations. Most days I’m consistent with writing something and some times I skip two or four days and write really long entries the following day(s). I haven’t worked my way up to going to church every Sunday because honestly I stay up too late on Saturday and just don’t get up on time,which isn’t a good excuse. (Not that there ever is a good enough excuse.) I find myself listening to Joel Olsteen podcast and occasionally I will blast gospel music in the car. I pray every morning and every night or at-least I try to. Whenever I feel myself getting worked up,I say a prayer. I will admit, I still struggle with a lot of things such as not getting angry as much and remaining positive despite any daily hardships. Nonetheless, I’m learning! I’m learning to not lean on my own understand and to trust in God. I’m learning to listen to God when he tells me to do something. I’m learning to humble myself and right my wrongs. The funny thing about God is, he will put you in some uncomfortable positions and make you do some things that you really don’t want to do, in order to get you where you need to be. I’m learning every day how to walk in faith and to not walk by sight. To worry less and to pray more. To listen for understanding and not just to speak. To be quiet and protect my words because every waking thought doesn’t need to be heard. To think before I speak and act. To adjust my way of thinking because my thoughts will become my actions.
I still have a long way to go but each day I just try to be better than I was the day before. I’m a work in progress but each step I take is bringing me closer to God and the person that I want to be…more humble, wise,forgiving, giving, joyful and most of all faithful to God and His plans for my life.