Tag Archives: Progress

Chances Make Champions,Right?

My current place of employment is going through a transition and we are switching to a new management company. Throughout the initial process the new company has been somewhat secretive of their plans. They recently offered me a position and it has been a great debate about whether or not I should accept the job.  For those of you who don’t know, I work at a high school. The new management company is basically starting an entire new program that is K-12 opposed to 9-12. I haven’t the slightest clue what the curriculum or model of the school is going to be, that has yet to be disclosed. On top of that I believe everyone else at the current school was offered a slight raise with the new company and I was not, but that’s beside the point.

This might sound crazy, but I legitimately want to turn down the offer. It’s not about money or their secrecy. It’s about taking a chance on myself. My entire life, I say that as if I’m 65 years old and ready for retirement but you get my point…I’ve worked job after job, always exhausting my energy and never applying pressure to myself to make my dreams flourish. Is it risky business turning down a job in this economy, most certainly but is it even more risky to dedicate yourself to a job instead of living up to your potential,absolutely.  I have until May 5, 2017 to accept the offer and I’m honestly at a loss here. To sign or not to sign, that is the question. I don’t know if I should gamble on myself and not take the job and see where life leads me or continue being content with life working a mediocre job that pays the bills.

In my heart of hearts, I want to be that bold person that leaves the offer on the table to bet on myself, but do I have enough guts to actually do that? Not accepting the job means moving back to Michigan to live with my parents. I’m not too keen on living back with mommy and daddy. Declining would also mean working a job that I probably dislike, but I would have more time to dedicate myself to other things. Then there’s the fact that what if I don’t take the job and still don’t dedicate myself to my goals. Like WTF!? I know I’m being indecisive and I have to make a decision and live with that decision,but damn! How do you make a decision when you don’t know what decision is best in the long run? I wish I could have a glimpse into the next six months of my life, that would make my decision much easier.  Do you rely on stability, or do you take a chance? It’s not like I’m 19 years old and don’t have any bills. I’m 26 going on 27 with a car note, student loans and a costly AT&T bill that will be with me whether I have a job or not. At this moment, being an adult is overrated.

In the end, it is a matter of walking in faith or walking in fear.

 

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Skin Deep

 

 

It’s February, which we all know, whether you like it or not is Black History Month. I debated about writing a post like this for several reasons. Black History Month, slavery, race, the Black Lives Matter movement, etc. are very controversial topics/issues among Americans. Nonetheless, let me go ahead and exercise my First Amendment Right, FREE SPEECH.

I’m sick and tired of people asking me,”are you mixed”, “what are you”, are you foreign”. These are some of the most ignorant questions I’ve heard people ask. My birth certificate states that I’m African American but the history of my families roots is a different story and frankly, it is nobody’s business, unless I choose to make it their business. I hate when people pose the question “what are you?” I’m a human. What are you? I’m fully aware that ignoring race is a part of the problem but I can’t help but to stop and think… why does race pose such a problem and/or create such a threat?

Some Caucasian people look at me funny because they think I’m too dark to be White and some Black people look at me funny because they think I’m too light to be Black. Can’t I just be Amber? Why is it that we are so color struck despite the obvious history of our country? I truly don’t understand. I wasn’t raised to judge people based on the color of their skin, or appearances in general. I hate being judged because I’m a Black woman and it’s not always by the White community. I feel as though someone always wants me to prove my blackness, or as if I always have to validate my intelligence because of my blackness…it is exhausting.

I find it interesting that people still use terms such as “The White Man” as if the entire race of white people is still trying to oppress Black people. I understand where the term came from but come on! As a Black woman, I have broken myself from the institutionalized  chains that “The White Man” controls my every move. I will not be intimated into thinking I’m “less than” because of my Black skin. I will not be forced to feel inferior because of my Black skin. I will not behave a certain way because of my  Black skin. I will not like anything any more or less because of my Black skin. And I certainly will not let who I am as an individual be charged to who people think I am because of my Black skin.

As people, I think it is important to recognize our difference and rejoice in them.  We need to start conversations. We need to address race as an issue. We can not expect to move forward if we constantly sweep everything under the rug and act as if praising Black people for one month out of the year compensates for the years and years and years of oppression that our ancestors were forced to endure in this very country.And I speak for myself when I say this, Black people have to learn to free themselves. If the system won’t educate us, we must educate ourselves. We must learn to invest in ourselves, we have to free ourselves from the illusions that we can’t own businesses or be doctors and lawyers. We have to free and rid our children and our generation of statistics. We have to free ourselves from this mental imprisonment that we were once forced to take ownership of.

Now…I’m curious as to when we’re going to come together and create a better tomorrow for our children? When are we as a community going to unite and stop allowing these police officers to kill our babies? When are we going to unite and teach our babies not to kill our babies? When are we as a human race going to show compassion and understanding towards PEOPLE…regardless of their skin color. In case you didn’t come to this conclusion…we as PEOPLE have a lot of work to do both separately and collectively.

I’m tired of being hated simply because of my skin color. I’m tired of being uncomfortable in certain areas or around certain people because of the color of my skin. I’m tired of being told I’m acting light skin. I’m tired of being told I’m acting White because I speak proper English. I’m tired of being forced to fit into a bubble because of the skin I had no choice in choosing. I’m tired of reversed racism and I’m tired of being tugged at. I hope that one day and it might not be any time soon but one day I can just be Amber. Amber the author. Not Amber the light skin girl, not Amber the “I think, she thinks,she’s a white girl”,Amber. I just want to be Amber, not being judged by my skin, not feeling forced to prove myself in every arena of my life because of my skin and not being pressured to live up to someone I’m not because of my skin.

 

I leave you all with this question,”Can you laugh at yourself without attributing it to your race…Can you own up to good/bad habits without attributing it to your race?”