Tag Archives: School

Pity-Party

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Have you ever felt defeated and just drained of the last ounce of hope and patience that you have? That’s how I feel today. I’m just tired. Tired of the redundancy of my job. Tired of school. Tired of not being appreciated. Tired of living a life that I don’t enjoy. Tired of waking up everyday dreading going to work, thinking of the task that I may be forced to face.

Maybe I’m writing this because I’m in a rather shitty mood,but everything I say is true,despite the fury in my words at the current moment.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for all that I have, even my job regardless of how much I currently dislike it. And yes, I’m aware that changing my life is in my hands, but that becomes  rather difficult when all the effort that you put into making a transition doesn’t seem to ever go in your favor.

Now I was fine this morning. My morning started with blueberry muffin and a coffee from Starbucks. I had my music blasting and enjoyed my Starbucks on the way to work.  I was even fine when I walked through the door at work, even though 99 people walk by one another and don’t bother to speak, but whatever! Then I got a missed a call. A call basically informing me that I didn’t get the job that I applied for.  It was one of those, please call back to discuss the next step of employment. I already knew it was a no, but my co-workers kept trying to convince me that I was wrong. I called back and that’s exactly what it was.

I can deal with not getting a job, but it pissed me off because I’m an internal applicant and they knew from day one that they weren’t going to hire me, but instead they put me through hoops giving me the illusion that I was eligible for the position. I understand formalities and all of that, but are you kidding me? Let’s just keep it 100 and not waste anybody’s time. The job was in another state and I think I just wanted so badly to move and to start over that it all together crushed my spirit and irritated the depth of my soul. After all this is the second time they’ve led me on about a job. I know what you’re thinking;Amber maybe you just suck. Nope,I got exceeds expectations on my last performance review and I’ve gotten three awards since being employed. I do my job, and I think I do it well. As my mother said, maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.

Despite that shit storm, in general nothing seems to be going my way. Every job I’ve applied for, denied. Every query letter I’ve sent for my books, declined. I even suck at being in college. 120 credits but my residency requirement hasn’t been fulfilled;degree declined. Let’s not mention the fact that Donald Trump won the presidential election last night. That alone has me ready to dive off of a cliff. Like what theeeeeee fuck!?!

Let me have my 60 second pity party, y’all. I’m going to pull it together and I know things could be worse. I know that I don’t have it that bad and I know everyone has shitty days. I know that sometimes life just kicks your ass and you just have to rise up from the ass beating. I know, I know, I know. This isn’t my first storm and it won’t be my last, but it never makes the fall lighter or easier to rise up from.

So, in closing I leave you all with this and myself as well. Be patient. Everything that is meant for you will always be for you. You can only be defeated if you give up. Keep hanging on, keep floating, keep trying. One day, the very frustrations or troubles that you are facing at this very moment will be almost comical. Stay strong and keep fighting the good fight.

Sincerely, one pissed off person to another.

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Sugar Daddy or Trap Queen?

 

I’m a centimeter away from either selling drugs, or getting a sugar daddy. Having a sugar daddy is probably more plausible. Right?

I recently completed entrance counseling to hopefully complete my current Criminology degree program at Cleveland State University.  I can’t say that I wasn’t shocked by how much money I’ve borrowed for my education, but I was somehow still shocked. If that makes sense. Why are educations so expensive? No, I’m sorry let me rephrase that, why are pieces of paper so expensive? I will literally be spending the next 10+ years paying off these loans for a degree that may, or may not be beneficial to my life. The current interest rate for federal direct subsidized loans for Undergraduate students is 4.29%. 4.29 %, that’s higher than the interest rate of some credit card companies. Meanwhile, I can barely keep all of my month to month bills paid. And, why in the hell are the monthly payments so high? For some reason the government thinks $300.00 a month is reasonable. Ha! Why not though? My fancy degree apparently has me making millions of dollars a week,right?

I’m not sure if I would have been better off not going to college and not having debt, or if I’m better off with a degree and this pile of thousand dollar debt. Why should I even have to ask myself that question? Why isn’t free college a thing? Or,at-least more cost friendly tuition rates. We live in a country where college is force fed, yet its not affordable for most American people. That makes a whole lot of sense. But, who am I kidding?  I know why its so expensive, the government likes raping our pockets. Keeping us poor.  Like seriously!  They love the sh*t.  It almost makes me want to fake my own death and move to a remote island. As a matter of fact,refer to me as Maria Cosmosa from this point forward. But, on a serious note, I sincerely hope that someday, one day soon we get a legitimate student loan forgiveness program with affordable repayment plans. More importantly, for future generations, I hope that tuition rates decrease.

Well, on the bright side, at-least I don’t have Sallie Mae breathing down my neck at the same time that Uncle Sam is pick-pocketing me!

 

 

Have a laugh as you count your own student loan debt, we’re all in this horse manure storm together!