Tag Archives: tIME

Chances Make Champions,Right?

My current place of employment is going through a transition and we are switching to a new management company. Throughout the initial process the new company has been somewhat secretive of their plans. They recently offered me a position and it has been a great debate about whether or not I should accept the job.  For those of you who don’t know, I work at a high school. The new management company is basically starting an entire new program that is K-12 opposed to 9-12. I haven’t the slightest clue what the curriculum or model of the school is going to be, that has yet to be disclosed. On top of that I believe everyone else at the current school was offered a slight raise with the new company and I was not, but that’s beside the point.

This might sound crazy, but I legitimately want to turn down the offer. It’s not about money or their secrecy. It’s about taking a chance on myself. My entire life, I say that as if I’m 65 years old and ready for retirement but you get my point…I’ve worked job after job, always exhausting my energy and never applying pressure to myself to make my dreams flourish. Is it risky business turning down a job in this economy, most certainly but is it even more risky to dedicate yourself to a job instead of living up to your potential,absolutely.  I have until May 5, 2017 to accept the offer and I’m honestly at a loss here. To sign or not to sign, that is the question. I don’t know if I should gamble on myself and not take the job and see where life leads me or continue being content with life working a mediocre job that pays the bills.

In my heart of hearts, I want to be that bold person that leaves the offer on the table to bet on myself, but do I have enough guts to actually do that? Not accepting the job means moving back to Michigan to live with my parents. I’m not too keen on living back with mommy and daddy. Declining would also mean working a job that I probably dislike, but I would have more time to dedicate myself to other things. Then there’s the fact that what if I don’t take the job and still don’t dedicate myself to my goals. Like WTF!? I know I’m being indecisive and I have to make a decision and live with that decision,but damn! How do you make a decision when you don’t know what decision is best in the long run? I wish I could have a glimpse into the next six months of my life, that would make my decision much easier.  Do you rely on stability, or do you take a chance? It’s not like I’m 19 years old and don’t have any bills. I’m 26 going on 27 with a car note, student loans and a costly AT&T bill that will be with me whether I have a job or not. At this moment, being an adult is overrated.

In the end, it is a matter of walking in faith or walking in fear.

 

Tuesday Thoughts

 

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For those of you who follow my blog, you probably already know that I was born and raised in Detroit, Michigan. The home of the Tigers, Lions, Pistons and Red Wings. The city that drinks Vernors for whatever ales you. The city within a city.  Detroiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttt! Growing up my parents kept me pretty sheltered. They knew who my friends were, who their parents were and I wasn’t allowed to be anywhere without their permission. As a child, I didn’t understand why my parents kept me so guarded, my  understanding of the streets were opaque. It wasn’t until middle school that I began to understand just how rough the streets were and how vicious people could be. Even then, I was still living in darkness about the city around me.

In high school, I had more freedom. My comings and goings were still monitored, but I had a lot of idol time after school, before my parents got home. I became friends and even dated some unsavory characters. I did a lot of things that I shouldn’t have, things that others deemed as normal. I was exposed to different experiences, environments and people,I learned a lot about the streets. My vision become more transparent. A whole new world opened up, not a pretty one either. I started to lose friends because of their involvement in the streets, or simply because they were in the right place at the wrong time. I guess I became numb to death and loss became a normalcy. It wasn’t until recently that I began to take heed to all of the negativity and evil occurrences that continue to transpire in the city. For most of my life I’ve dealt with negative commentary about being from Detroit. Most folks think that we’re all killers and drug dealers;the scum of the earth. In reality, there are truly some amazing people in Detroit and from Detroit. The city is truly discredited for it’s efforts, mainly because of crime rates and mainstream media.

I’ve officially been out of Detroit for three years, I’m actively on the outside looking in. Bad things happen every where, but for a place that you call home to birth so much ugly, both sadness and sickens me. I fear for the lives of my family and my friends. Everyday I see at-least one my friends on social media post RIP to someone they love. I frequently hear about childhood friends being injured or killed at the hands of someone else. Again, horrible events happen everywhere, everyday, but it hurts even more when you are from the very place where events are occurring, when your family and friends are in the mist of it and when you fear for their lives.

I believe that Detroit is diamond in the rough, but like most places people uphold themselves to a different moral code. Neighborhoods have lost courage. Communities are broken, people are broken. People are living in fear. The value of inanimate objects is placed before the value of a human life. Individuals are consumed with greed and under the assumption that they own the streets. People take what they didn’t not earn. So many people have accepted the death and corruption around them that they see no reason to rise up against it.

I pray for change. I pray that people everywhere begin to see the value of other peoples lives. I pray that people begin to see the destruction that they are causing and the lives that they are ruining. I pray that if nothing else, people begin to see the error in their ways.

 

Show Time

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I’ve finally decided to put my big girl panties on and have a book signing. Since I wrote my first book,When the Past Comes Knock’N, I have wanted to host a book signing, but I was too shy and fearful to do so. Since authoring and publishing my first book, I’ve written two more,”Legit and Twenty Something. It is simply time to get my feet wet and it is time for me to step into the true essence of the life of an author. I can’t be scared to step out on faith and I can’t keep delaying the process.

I’ve looked into a few venues (free spaces). I intend to look into libraries near my home and as a last resort I plan to speak with my employer to see if I can host my event at our school.I don’t want my book signing to be thrown together, but I’m defiantly aiming to have it sometime over the Summer. My friend suggested that I ask my guest to bring a plus one to help add to my audience. I would like the book signing to be intimate seeing that it is my first one,but nonetheless still want it to be professional. This will be my first time hosting an event and it will be my first time speaking publicly about my book. I’m nervous, but this is something that I need to do, its a step in the right direction towards not only achieving one of my goals as well as overcoming a fear. I’m excited and I’m hopeful that this will be one of many book signings. I’ve done some research about how to host a book signing, but in the end I can make it what I want to be.

My friend keeps reminding me that I’m an author, that I’ve actually written books and have them published. I spend a lot of time discrediting myself and not taking pride in my accomplishments. I’ve never been confident in announcing that I am an author, that’s a constant battle.I’m working to over come my doubts and fears in myself and with that, I hope this post serves as a boost of confidence for someone else. I know how scary it can be to follow your dreams, but you just have to swallow your fears and walk in faith. Even if you fall, God will catch you. Even if you fail, at-least you tried.

It is time to be fearless and claim the victory!

 

 

http://www.amberjgraham.com

Walking by FAITH!

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Lately I’ve been trying to get more in tune with the Word of God and actually understand what I’m reading. I want to live by His words and not just throw out scriptures here and there. I also try to journal my thoughts, prayers and frustrations. Most days I’m consistent with writing something and some times I skip two or four days and write really long entries the following day(s). I haven’t worked my way up to going to church every Sunday because honestly I stay up too late on Saturday and just don’t get up on time,which isn’t a good excuse. (Not that there ever is a good enough excuse.) I find myself listening to Joel Olsteen podcast and occasionally I will blast gospel music in the car. I pray every morning and every night or at-least I try to. Whenever I feel myself getting worked up,I say a prayer. I will admit, I still struggle with a lot of things such as not getting angry as much and remaining positive despite any daily hardships. Nonetheless, I’m learning!  I’m learning to not lean on my own understand and to trust in God. I’m learning to listen to God when he tells me to do something. I’m learning to humble myself and right my wrongs. The funny thing about God is, he will put you in some uncomfortable positions and make you do some things that you really don’t want to do, in order to get you where you need to be. I’m learning every day how to walk in faith and to not walk by sight. To worry less and to pray more. To listen for understanding and not just to speak. To be quiet and protect my words because every waking thought doesn’t need to be heard. To think before I speak and act. To adjust my way of thinking because my thoughts will become my actions.

I still have a long way to go but each day I just try to be better than I was the day before. I’m a work in progress but each step I take is bringing me closer to God and the person that I want to be…more humble, wise,forgiving, giving, joyful and most of all faithful to God and His plans for my life.

Yes..No..Maybe

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I’ve been thinking about something a lot lately. How in the hell do you make friends as an adult? As a child it was easy to make friends. You could sit next to someone eating the same type of sandwich as you and become best-friends the following week. But,as an adult, its not that easy. I always worry about coming off as a creeper when trying to make friends.I don’t even know how to approach the matter, do you magically just one day become friends without the mention of it. Then there’s always the fact that you could think you’re friends with someone and you really aren’t. For example, at my last job, I had gotten really close with one of my co-workers. We always talked and even worked out together. We went car shopping, grocery shopping and had even met each others families. I thought we were friends but it comes to find out, they just thought of me as a cool co-worker. Talk about a slap in the face!

Shucks, maybe it is harder for me to make friends because A.) I don’t go out often, I’m usually working and B.)I’m perfectly fine with being alone so sometimes I steer away from socializing. Typing that out and reading it aloud really makes me sounds nuts! But, in all seriousness, I’ve asked a few people and we’ve all agreed that making friends as an adult isn’t easy. A lot of things contribute to the hardship(s) of making friends, one main reason being… it is difficult to trust others as adults. As kids we were naive and thought we could trust everyone. Life has taught us otherwise. As kids things were simple, now there are so many politics and other bullshit involved in befriending others. It makes it kind of difficult to even converse with people…everyone wants to be right. Then you have friendships that turn into situation-ships ruining a chance at whatever friendship there was. Personally, I’m very standoffish the smallest thing in a big way could send me walking in the other direction. That may have not made sense. Let’s say someone said,” I hate when people are gay.” That is a small thing in a big way. Although I’m not gay I take offense to that. I most likely would shut down and no longer pursue a friendship with that person.Of course, I respect other people and their opinions but in my opinion saying something like that is ignorant and I don’t want to befriend a person who would say something along those lines. Again, as kids things were so much easier.

It’s easy to meet people and hold a conversation with them but how do you move past the initial conversation? There is this girl on my Instagram,she seems like an awesome person and probably would make a kick ass friend. We speak on Instagram occasionally but never more than a few words.  I would actually like to build a friendship but again how do I go about it? I think I would come off a tad creepy if I got in her DM and said hey, I would like to get to know you better…or something along those lines. She would probably think I wanted to make her my girlfriend because most people for some reason always assume that someone is attracted to them. Then there’s the whole trying to be friends with someone who is attracted to you or that you are attracted to. Shit just gets complicated. On top of it all even if you do befriend someone, the longevity of the friendship seems to always be short lived. As adults, we often let relationships, work, pride and so many other things come between friendships. Then you have the type of people that never want to hang out and if they do hang out with you they’re stuck looking at their phone the whole time. I text and surf the Internet just as much as the next person but I like face to face interactions WITHOUT having our phones glued to our hands. What’s the point in being in the company of someone if you aren’t paying them any mind?

 Am I thinking too hard on this?

I think this is exactly why dog is mans best-friend. If it weren’t for social media I probably wouldn’t know a lot of the people that I know now. It is much easier to befriend people over the Internet through sites like Facebook but even then, you can come off as a creeper, or come across someone who seems like a creeper but might not actually be. Ugh, then there’s the awkward moment when you actually meet them face to face for the first time. I met a girl in 7th grade off of Black Planet,we became really close and eventually looked at one another as sisters. We finally met and young out when were in high school. We still talk occasionally but it seems like the older we got the more we drifted apart. That happens a lot with childhood friendships. People move away,they get jobs, they have families, etc.

The idea of making friends as adult makes my head hurt, there needs to be some sort of rules to this or levels…something. Geesh!