Tag Archives: Twenties

Birthday Blues

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Well, it’s the eve of my 26th birthday. Literally, fifteen minutes until twelve o’clock. I’m not only alone,but I’m lonely. For the very first time in my life I’ll be spending my birthday alone. As I write this I can’t help but to think about the people that I miss. Remembering all of the birthdays with them that I reluctantly took for granted.  All of the birthday cakes favorite dinners that my grandmother would make. The morning unveiling of gifts  because I was too impatient to wait. The silly, yet sentimental cards that I would receive. The gifts that money can’t buy. The gathering to sing happy birthday around the dinner table in honor of little oh me. I wish I could bottle those moments just to preserve them. The older I get the more I yearn for those very moments.

Fifteen minutes later,it is officially midnight. HAPPY BIRTHDAY,to me. As I write this I’m unsure of what to say. I have that dry itch feeling in the back of my throat, the one you feel right before you cry. All day,I’ve tried to pump myself up,but there’s no reverencing this feeling.

I pray that this year brings joy and peace;that I grow in confidence and in strength. I pray that I find my source of happiness and that I become more grounded. I pray for growth and that I not only find my passion but have the courage and curiosity to chase it. I pray for love. I pray that in my 26th year of life I find myself,that I find the richness of life in non-monetary things. I pray to enjoy the simple things, to be more open to new people and new experiences.

What is Life?

Whatislife

At twenty-five years old most would think that I have a clear plan on what I want to do and how to go about doing it. Nope, not at all.

I know writing is a passion, but trying to figure out what to do with my writing abilities is a task in itself.

I love cooking, but I don’t think I want to be a chef. I already succumb to way too much pressure simply trying cooking for people that I know. I guess I’m a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to cooking and baking. I once baked the same cake four times trying to make it perfect.

I’ve thought about being an actress, but I probably couldn’t amuse a group of children reading Little Red Riding Hood, so I think that’s out as well.

Some days I consider selling all of my worldly possessions to travel,but I think considering how much student loan debt that I have, I better chill with that idea.

I considering being  an English teacher, but I don’t have the patience to learn the appropriate way to use commas and other forms of punctuation. I can’t teach others to misuse punctuation. What can I say,I write, I don’t edit!

Often times I have considered starting a publishing company, but I don’t think I would last in that arena.

I’ve pretty much had the same type of jobs since I graduated high school and I haven’t explored other options outside of volunteering and personal trial and errors. I haven’t found anything that I’m like,yeah I could do this for the rest of my life. I get confused and often redirect my attention to new goals and new plans. Perhaps I try to bite off more than I can chew, which has prevented me from tapping into my full potential. I have so many great ideas in my head,but sometimes I struggle acting on them. I often times don’t know where to end or where to begin. I know I can come off as a cluster f%#k, but I’m trying to figure things out. I’m trying to define my own meaning of life instead of being jaded into societies definition. I finally came to the realization that it’s okay to not know, it’s okay to be a work in progress. It’s okay to not be  okay.

Day by day, I try to be better than I was the day before and that’s all any of us can do. I had to learn to stop comparing myself to other people. I had to stop measuring my success next to other people. I had to strip myself of labels and define who I am. I had to understand that despite my age, I’m still growing, I’m still transforming.

What is life? Well that’s entirely up to you!

…be successfully you