Last night I spoke with a close friend of mine. He and I usually speak once a week but I hadn’t spoken to him in over two weeks. It was a given that we had a lot of thoughts to exchange. After we got all of the how have you been’s…what have you been up to’s out of the way,we got to the real meat and potatoes of the conversation. I felt inclined to share certain parts of my life with him, I exposed emotional and mental parts of myself to him that he’s never seen. I felt a sense of weakness because I had never done so.. For the first time I became vulnerable to him. I fought back salty tears as I spoke of my deceased grandmother and aunt, two women who meant the world to me. Once I pulled my shit together, we landed on the topic of life goals and the things we want out of life. It was close to 4:00 o’clock in the morning as we both sleepily held our phones to our ears. I assume the late hour is what struck such deep conversation, well at-least on my end. I went on to say that if I wasn’t meant to be a writer, I don’t know what it is that I was meant to be.
Every since I was a child I’ve enjoyed two things, playing school and writing. Seeing that I’m twenty-five years old, I no longer play school so I’ve been left with writing. I’m not the best writer and I still have a ways to go before I’m even considered good. Nonetheless, writing is all I think about, it’s all I’ve ever seriously seen myself doing. I watched a speech by Jim Carrie and in one minute he summed up life for me. Carrie said,”You can fail at what you don’t want so you might as well take a chance at what you love.” That hit me like a ton of bricks and it made so much sense to me. We spend so much, if not all of our lives doing what we don’t want to do because we’re scared of failure. Meanwhile, we get terminated from jobs that we hate or simply can’t hack it at others. Why not give what we love a chance?
I snapped back into the conversation and my friend reminded me that everything is in Gods time. Maybe I’m not a bestselling author today but that doesn’t mean I should stop striving to be one. Things most likely won’t happen when you want them to or how you want them to but God defiantly has a plan for you and your name can’t be removed from that plan by anyone on this earth. What is yours, is yours!
By the end of our conversation, I had a boost of confidence. However, the question still remained…if I’m not meant to be a writer, then I don’t know what it is that I’m meant to be. I vowed to myself that I will give myself a chance at what I love. A chance to be happy doing what I love to do. If we never take chances, we’ll never know what could have been.
I was sitting at my desk struggling to focus. I assume I’m far too excited about Winter break and having the next two weeks away from work. Because of my lack of focus in this last thirty minutes of my work day, I decided to write a new post.
This year has been filled will a lot of ups and some minor downs. This is the first year in a long time that I can honestly say…it’s been a great year.
I was able to experience several things for the first time. I traveled, I’ve watched my students transform into young adults, I got to be a part of a dynamic team and I turned 25 (milestone age).
While I’m ending another year single, I feel that I have gained a better sense of self. I’ve grown to appreciate my own company and I’m pretty sure I have mastered being alone. I feel emotionally stable and I’ve conquered a lot of my relationship fears.
I have my health and my family.
I have been praying and reading my Word more. Although I’m still working on my relationship with God, I feel that I have become a lot closer to Him. I feel stronger spiritually and mentally.
I’m ending this year on a happy note and I’m looking forward to what 2016 has to offer. I’m not waiting for the New Year to change or to become a better person but I would like to work on a few things throughout the year. I first would like to adjust my diet and start exercising. I need to tone up and make better food choices. Secondly, I would like to really focus on my writing and fully devote myself to it. Lastly, I want to put more into the community and volunteer more often.
I’m looking forward to the New Year and what it has in store. Wishing all of my readers a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
I realize that I haven’t written a blog in a little over a month. I don’t have a valid excuse for my absence other than the fact that I haven’t felt inspired to actually write a blog. I’m not sure that I’m inspired at the moment to write anything now either. But, nonetheless I’m here!
Can we talk about dating in 2015 for a moment? I probably haven’t been in a serious relationship since 2012 or 2013. I’ve quote on quote “talked to people” and I guess semi-dated people but again, nothing serious.
The Liar: I recently met someone, in the beginning I loved getting to know this person. He was funny, listened and kept me entertained mentally then it all changed. He starting telling lies, calling me drunk and an array of other things. I immediately blocked his number and wanted nothing more to do with him.
The Bug-Ah-Boo: In the beginning he was nice, sweet and I could tell he had been hurt by a lot by women in his past. After a while he turned into a needy nuisance. He never wanted to talk on the phone he only wanted to text which was a red flag to me. He disagreed with me when I said text messages were not a proper for of communication. I blocked his number as well. It seems like most people in this day and age only want to text.
Distant Lover: He was pretty cool. He had a good head on his shoulders but he stays back home in Detroit. Seeing each other every couple of weekends wasn’t enough for him, which is understandable. We held onto each other as if we were going to make a relationship work but we both knew it wouldn’t.
Outside of the above three men, I’ve met a few others who were interesting to say the least. Of those people, some only were looking to “hook up” this whole “Netflix and Chill” concept seems to be the talk of the town,no thank you. Others were too immature mentally or simply weren’t on the same track as me when it came to life plans and building a future. I’ve also met several people who are afraid of loving someone and those who are afraid of being loved and/or cared about by a woman.
Dating is so frustrating and this process of getting to know people and then having them fall off the face of the earth, or having them completely change their persona is quite annoying. Too many people don’t see marriage as the ultimate goal of dating and too many people don’t want a monogamous relationship or have such deeply embedded trust issues that they don’t even believe that monogamy exist. Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic, living in a world of “hooking up” but I still believe that Mr. Right is out there. I have faith that there is a man out there especially for me. If not, I ‘ll just call it quits and become a cat lady.