Tuesday Thoughts

 

For those of you who follow my blog, you probably already know that I was born and raised in Detroit, Michigan. The home of the Tigers, Lions, Pistons and Red Wings. The city that drinks Vernors for whatever ales you. The city within a city.  Detroiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttt! Growing up my parents kept me pretty sheltered. They knew who my friends were, who their parents were and I wasn’t allowed to be anywhere without their permission. As a child, I didn’t understand why my parents kept me so guarded, my  understanding of the streets were opaque. It wasn’t until middle school that I began to understand just how rough the streets were and how vicious people could be. Even then, I was still living in darkness about the city around me.

In high school, I had more freedom. My comings and goings were still monitored, but I had a lot of idol time after school, before my parents got home. I became friends and even dated some unsavory characters. I did a lot of things that I shouldn’t have, things that others deemed as normal. I was exposed to different experiences, environments and people,I learned a lot about the streets. My vision become more transparent. A whole new world opened up, not a pretty one either. I started to lose friends because of their involvement in the streets, or simply because they were in the right place at the wrong time. I guess I became numb to death and loss became a normalcy. It wasn’t until recently that I began to take heed to all of the negativity and evil occurrences that continue to transpire in the city. For most of my life I’ve dealt with negative commentary about being from Detroit. Most folks think that we’re all killers and drug dealers;the scum of the earth. In reality, there are truly some amazing people in Detroit and from Detroit. The city is truly discredited for it’s efforts, mainly because of crime rates and mainstream media.

I’ve officially been out of Detroit for three years, I’m actively on the outside looking in. Bad things happen every where, but for a place that you call home to birth so much ugly, both sadness and sickens me. I fear for the lives of my family and my friends. Everyday I see at-least one my friends on social media post RIP to someone they love. I frequently hear about childhood friends being injured or killed at the hands of someone else. Again, horrible events happen everywhere, everyday, but it hurts even more when you are from the very place where events are occurring, when your family and friends are in the mist of it and when you fear for their lives.

I believe that Detroit is diamond in the rough, but like most places people uphold themselves to a different moral code. Neighborhoods have lost courage. Communities are broken, people are broken. People are living in fear. The value of inanimate objects is placed before the value of a human life. Individuals are consumed with greed and under the assumption that they own the streets. People take what they didn’t not earn. So many people have accepted the death and corruption around them that they see no reason to rise up against it.

I pray for change. I pray that people everywhere begin to see the value of other peoples lives. I pray that people begin to see the destruction that they are causing and the lives that they are ruining. I pray that if nothing else, people begin to see the error in their ways.

 

Love and Marriage

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about love, children and marriage. I want a family, I want to build a life beyond myself. I’m ready to share my life with someone for the rest of my life, us against the world. I’m confident in saying that I know who the man is that I want to marry, and who wants to marry me. That sounds crazy seeing that I often blog about being single and not having any love interest. Let me explain. I’ve loved someone since I was sixteen years old, but certain events have kept us apart for the past six years. Now that we are back in each others lives and getting to know our adult selves, I know where I want to be. I’ve always known where I wanted to be, I just was unable to be there. Over the past six years I’ve dated other guys, had conversations, caught feelings,but none as deep as the ones I have for my guy. He’s someone who makes me think about marriage, being a better woman, having children and growing old together. Granted, I’ve never thought about children and marriage before, but I’ve yearned for it the way I do with him. He gives me butterflies and always has. I’m like the female version of him, it’s weird but a good weird. When I’m not with him I always think about it. He supports me. He has my best interest at heart. He motivates me. He loves me despite my flaws and he takes the good with the bad. He treats me like a queen and his actions prove that he loves and cares about me. We learn from each other. I’m confident in following his lead. I don’t mind being submissive to him. While we still have a lot to learn about each other and a lot of growing to do both collectively and individually, I’m enjoying the process.

At this point I guess I’m just rambling, but for those of you who have ever been in love will understand what I mean. In the meant time, I’m being patient and continuing to better myself both as a person and as woman.

Dream Career

There is a difference between being good at what you do and loving what you do. On rare occasion, I cross paths with someone who both loves what they do and are good at it. I also believe  that having a career and having a job are two different things.

It has been rather difficult for me to find my dream career because I have no clue what I want it to be. I know that I’m great at a multitude of things, but I don’t think I’d want to make any of those things into a career. Better yet, a dream career. I love writing, but even with that, I don’t see it as a dream career. If I had time to focus only on my writing, then perhaps I could better visualize writing being my dream job. Writing has always been a passion, but I feel that as a career it would be way too much pressure and take away from the joy of doing it.

I’m also extremely indecisive . One day I want to be a lawyer, the next day I want to own a food truck. Maybe I haven’t experimented with enough job avenues to know what I want my dream career to be.

I can say without a doubt that my dream career has something to do with being my own boss. I do not want to be a slave to a 9-5 job for the rest of my life. I want to make my own hours and not have to answer to a boss.

At 26, I’d hope to have this shit figured out.

 

Sink or Swim

Here we are ladies and gents,days away from Donald Trumps inauguration. He’s soon to be the 45th president of the United State of America, the free world, the home of the brave, the land of the free…

A vast majority of people are on edge and they have plenty of reason to be. As I gallivant through my social media timelines, I continue to see “Hey,big head” memes directed at Canada. I’ve also seen,”Don’t let your president be the reason you get your ass beat” and “He’s not my president”, memes as well.

It’s a given, Trump doesn’t have the greatest track record with the American people; especially women, people of diverse ethnic backgrounds, small children and perhaps animals. He doesn’t come off as well versed about politics and often dances around questions from both the media and his political opponents. From the outside looking in, he doesn’t appear to have any idea about how to run a country or the oval office. I mean come on, he can’t even properly blend his makeup.

Despite the circus that both he and his campaign parade around, he is in fact going to be our leader. While we may disagree with his viewpoints and sometimes idiotic messages, we shouldn’t pray for his downfall. As president, if he fails, we as nation fail. Think of Donald Trump as the captain of a ship and the ship he is navigating is America. If the captain sinks, so does the ship, so do “WE THE PEOPLE.”

 

On the bright side, this country has overcome greater hurdles than Trump, and we shall overcome this.

Keep on, keeping on!

 

Birthday Blues

Well, it’s the eve of my 26th birthday. Literally, fifteen minutes until twelve o’clock. I’m not only alone,but I’m lonely. For the very first time in my life I’ll be spending my birthday alone. As I write this I can’t help but to think about the people that I miss. Remembering all of the birthdays with them that I reluctantly took for granted.  All of the birthday cakes favorite dinners that my grandmother would make. The morning unveiling of gifts  because I was too impatient to wait. The silly, yet sentimental cards that I would receive. The gifts that money can’t buy. The gathering to sing happy birthday around the dinner table in honor of little oh me. I wish I could bottle those moments just to preserve them. The older I get the more I yearn for those very moments.

Fifteen minutes later,it is officially midnight. HAPPY BIRTHDAY,to me. As I write this I’m unsure of what to say. I have that dry itch feeling in the back of my throat, the one you feel right before you cry. All day,I’ve tried to pump myself up,but there’s no reverencing this feeling.

I pray that this year brings joy and peace;that I grow in confidence and in strength. I pray that I find my source of happiness and that I become more grounded. I pray for growth and that I not only find my passion but have the courage and curiosity to chase it. I pray for love. I pray that in my 26th year of life I find myself,that I find the richness of life in non-monetary things. I pray to enjoy the simple things, to be more open to new people and new experiences.

Driving Ms. Daisy

On Saturday, I finally decided to give being an Uber driver a go. My first ride was a a guy probably in his late 20’s to early 30’s who was going to a bar to watch the Indians game. He was very friendly and we practically talked the entire ride. He said and I quote,”I’m about set the bar for your passenger standard pretty high.” Most of the riders that I had were younger, simply looking to have a good time. I had a few older couples who hit the wine too hard. Overall, the night itself was an interesting experience. I enjoyed being able to see parts of the city that I’ve never seen and I got to meet some pretty awesome people. It defiantly  pushed me out of my comfort zone and forced to be more of social person,which I’m definitely not.

Driving people around almost feels like a therapy session on wheels. The more comfortable people all the more they talk and the more they tell. It was refreshing to have such a variety of conversations from education to deer hunting.

I’ll admit, I was nervous in the beginning, I watch Criminal Minds and Law and Order SVU way too often, my mind automatically went into detective mode. In the end, I realized the riders are probably just as nervous, if not more than drivers.

I had a few passengers who didn’t want me to follow the navigation directions but instead follow theirs, there were a few backseat drivers then there were the passengers that simply didn’t want to be bothered so I let the music do the talking.

Overall, being a driver is a solid way to make money and a way to meet new people in the process.

Self Check

 

I apologize that it has been a while since my last blog. For quite some time, I temporarily gave up on blogging and recording YouTube videos. I felt it necessary to reestablish my focus and my purpose for blogging and speaking to my YouTube subscribers. Heck, even my purpose for writing books and everything else that I find myself taking part in. My goal has always been to share my experiences and perspective whenever I blog or record videos. Nonetheless, lately  I feel as though I’ve been playing an adult game of Hide and Seek with my personal and career goals. One moment I’m in full force, prepared to take on the world and accomplish the impossible; the next, I’m stalled out, tucked away in my apartment contemplating exactly what I want to do in life.

I’m finding “adulting” to be really difficult at the moment. I appreciate having a job, but I’m struggling to find purpose in my position. While what I do brings some kind of fulfillment it is not what I want to do for the rest of my life, even though I’m not sure what I want to do for the rest of  my life with my life. Just going through life, repeating the same things daily has created a void. I wake up almost everyday dreading the thought of even having to be up before 6 a.m.and before I know it I’ve hit snooze six times. I always manage to pull myself together and face each day head on with a smile, but I can’t continue to go through life like this.

I mean, if we’re being honest, I would like a billion dollars and the ability  to travel the world, blog about the people, experiences and food that I encounter on my travels. I guess that’s not the most realistic thing, or at-least a billion dollars magically being placed in my possession is a little far fetched.

As I approach the age of 26 I’ve been taking a great interest in setting new goals and making adjustments to goals that I’ve already established. I’ve been reading books about truly being who you are, without trying to meet the expectations that the world has placed on your shoulders. I’ve been working on stripping myself of all of the negative thoughts that both myself and others have cursed me with. That sounded strange, basically what I mean by that is breaking myself free my negative thoughts and words that have been spoken over my life. Removing all of the doubt from my mind that I can’t do certain things. Reminding myself that I am beautiful and that I am deserving of love, and support. I’ve had to not only take ownership of my flaws and face the woman in the mirror, but I’ve also have had to face the reality that I need to change some of these things about myself. Change the way I think, the way I behave, the way I react. I realize that I am sometimes very passive aggressive, I often times hold grudges and among other things, I allow fear to bully me out of things that I truly would like to do. I’ve learned to take ownership of my mistakes and to move beyond them. There is no point in holding onto what you don’t have the ability to change.

Overall, I want to live up to my own expectations, whatever those will come to be. I have to let down my guard and not be afraid to step into the woman I’m destined to be.

Skin Deep

 

 

It’s February, which we all know, whether you like it or not is Black History Month. I debated about writing a post like this for several reasons. Black History Month, slavery, race, the Black Lives Matter movement, etc. are very controversial topics/issues among Americans. Nonetheless, let me go ahead and exercise my First Amendment Right, FREE SPEECH.

I’m sick and tired of people asking me,”are you mixed”, “what are you”, are you foreign”. These are some of the most ignorant questions I’ve heard people ask. My birth certificate states that I’m African American but the history of my families roots is a different story and frankly, it is nobody’s business, unless I choose to make it their business. I hate when people pose the question “what are you?” I’m a human. What are you? I’m fully aware that ignoring race is a part of the problem but I can’t help but to stop and think… why does race pose such a problem and/or create such a threat?

Some Caucasian people look at me funny because they think I’m too dark to be White and some Black people look at me funny because they think I’m too light to be Black. Can’t I just be Amber? Why is it that we are so color struck despite the obvious history of our country? I truly don’t understand. I wasn’t raised to judge people based on the color of their skin, or appearances in general. I hate being judged because I’m a Black woman and it’s not always by the White community. I feel as though someone always wants me to prove my blackness, or as if I always have to validate my intelligence because of my blackness…it is exhausting.

I find it interesting that people still use terms such as “The White Man” as if the entire race of white people is still trying to oppress Black people. I understand where the term came from but come on! As a Black woman, I have broken myself from the institutionalized  chains that “The White Man” controls my every move. I will not be intimated into thinking I’m “less than” because of my Black skin. I will not be forced to feel inferior because of my Black skin. I will not behave a certain way because of my  Black skin. I will not like anything any more or less because of my Black skin. And I certainly will not let who I am as an individual be charged to who people think I am because of my Black skin.

As people, I think it is important to recognize our difference and rejoice in them.  We need to start conversations. We need to address race as an issue. We can not expect to move forward if we constantly sweep everything under the rug and act as if praising Black people for one month out of the year compensates for the years and years and years of oppression that our ancestors were forced to endure in this very country.And I speak for myself when I say this, Black people have to learn to free themselves. If the system won’t educate us, we must educate ourselves. We must learn to invest in ourselves, we have to free ourselves from the illusions that we can’t own businesses or be doctors and lawyers. We have to free and rid our children and our generation of statistics. We have to free ourselves from this mental imprisonment that we were once forced to take ownership of.

Now…I’m curious as to when we’re going to come together and create a better tomorrow for our children? When are we as a community going to unite and stop allowing these police officers to kill our babies? When are we going to unite and teach our babies not to kill our babies? When are we as a human race going to show compassion and understanding towards PEOPLE…regardless of their skin color. In case you didn’t come to this conclusion…we as PEOPLE have a lot of work to do both separately and collectively.

I’m tired of being hated simply because of my skin color. I’m tired of being uncomfortable in certain areas or around certain people because of the color of my skin. I’m tired of being told I’m acting light skin. I’m tired of being told I’m acting White because I speak proper English. I’m tired of being forced to fit into a bubble because of the skin I had no choice in choosing. I’m tired of reversed racism and I’m tired of being tugged at. I hope that one day and it might not be any time soon but one day I can just be Amber. Amber the author. Not Amber the light skin girl, not Amber the “I think, she thinks,she’s a white girl”,Amber. I just want to be Amber, not being judged by my skin, not feeling forced to prove myself in every arena of my life because of my skin and not being pressured to live up to someone I’m not because of my skin.

 

I leave you all with this question,”Can you laugh at yourself without attributing it to your race…Can you own up to good/bad habits without attributing it to your race?”

 

 

I Love Food!

 

Today I tried a new recipe that I found on Pinterest, Mexican Zucchini Burrito Boats. I’ve never had zucchini so I figured this would be a great way to try it. I also really enjoy Mexican food. I’m going into week three of not eating meat and I’ve been trying out new recipes. I followed the recipe exactly the way it is except  I didn’t use cumin because I’m not a big fan of it and I also didn’t season my cilantro with salt. After the zucchini was finished baking I did a taste test. The stuffing for the zucchini was delicious but I didn’t like  the zucchini which isn’t a big shocker. I figured that I didn’t like it which is why I never tried it. But you never know if you like something or not unless you try it.

The recipe was really easy to follow and I love cooking with colors so I was pleased with the different produce that I used. I provided the recipe below in case you guys would like to try it.

In order to make the recipe you will need the following items:

Produce

• 1 (15 ounce) can Black beans
• 1/2 cup Cilantro, fresh
• 1/2 cup Corn, kernels
• 1 Jalapeno
• 1 Red bell pepper
• 1/2 Red onion
• 4 Zucchini, large

Condiments

• 1 cup Salsa

Pasta & Grains

• 1 cup Brown rice, cooked

Baking & Spices

• 1 tsp Chili powder
• 1 Salt

Oils & Vinegars

• 1 1/3 tbsp Olive oil

Nuts & Seeds

• 2 tsp Cumin

Dairy

• 1 cup Cheddar/monterey jack cheese

 

INSTRUCTIONS

Start by greasing a 9 x 13” casserole dish then set aside. Slice each zucchini in half lengthwise. Using a melon baller or metal teaspoon, hallow out the center of each zucchini. Lightly brush the tops with one teaspoon of olive oil then place them skin side down in the casserole dish.
Next warm the tablespoon of olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the onion and the peppers and cook for 2-3 minutes. Then add the rice, corn, and beans along with the salsa, chili powder and cumin. Stir everything together and continue to cook for about 5 minutes then remove the skillet from the heat and set aside.
Preheat the oven to 400°F and then stir in 1/4 cup of the cilantro and salt to taste to the filling. Spoon the filling inside of each zucchini until they are all full. Sprinkle each half with cheese then arrange them in the dish and cover with foil. Bake in the oven for 25 minutes then remove the foil and set the oven to broil. Cook them for 5 more minutes, until the cheese is bubbly and golden brown.
Allow them to cool for 5-10 minutes then top with fresh cilantro and serve. Store leftovers in an airtight container for up to 3 days.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Veggie Delight!

Wooooo!

So if you read my previous blog you’re fully aware that I’m not eating meat for the entire month of February. So far, so good! During week one, I tried veggie burritos, salads full of different types of veggies, fruit and veggie smoothies, veggie stir fry and I even tried a veggie sandwich. I went an entire week doing pretty well. I avoided eating a lot of bread, pasta and sweets. I drank a  gallon of water every day and didn’t drink any juice or pop with the exception of orange juice. I attempted to work out but that didn’t  go all that great but I’m hopeful that I will get into a daily routine of some sort of physical exercise. All in all, I’m happy with my first week. I can see the difference in my energy and my digestive system. I’m not sure if I’ve lost any way because I’m a moron and don’t weigh myself…I digress.

Week two began yesterday. Between yesterday and today I’m off to a rocky start. I still haven’t eaten meat. Nonetheless, last night I had a small veggie pizza and yes I ate the entire thing and washed it down with a Cherry Pepsi then today I had a Sprite. Not too bad but I was trying to stay away from pop, I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I still have been drinking plenty of water but I haven’t reached my gallon a day point,yet. Although the original goal was just to stay away from meat, I’ve incorporated a few additional things to avoid in hopes of maintaining a healthier and more balanced diet.

So far not eating meat or poultry has taken me out of my comfort zone, I’ve been forced to try new things. I realized that I actually may be able to be a long term vegetarian or perhaps even a long term vegan. I do miss chicken tenders but I haven’t had a dire yearning for them. Thus far, it has been an interesting journey. I can’t lie, the first few days were difficult. A few of my students were eating KFC and I found myself wanting a piece when I don’t even like KFC.  I think resisting temptation was the hardest part but I overcame the challenge. Oddly enough, I enjoyed the veggie burger I made way more than I can ever recall enjoying a beef or turkey burger. As far as saving money, I’m not sure if I saved anything but I’m get more for my buck. Groceries last way longer than eating out even if I’m spending more money on groceries it is a way better value than buying food out every other day.

Today’s overall message… You never know what you can or can’t do until you try. You won’t know if you like something until you try it. You won’t know if you can accomplish something until you try. Most things fail or succeed simply based on the way you think. Adjust the way you think and watch so many things change.